12 Comments

"I prefer not to" must surely be the most perfect form of refusal. it is final, yet polite, and gives no reason and is therefore unarguable with.

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Absolutely.

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Nov 29, 2023Liked by Mark Dykeman

"The train to Excellent makes a number of stops at Inadequate. The only way to get there is to pass through and that’s what I want to do today."

I think I'm going to post this on the shelf behind my laptop so I can see it every time I glance up from the screen. Thank you.

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I prefer to, too. Unless I prefer not to, but that option occurs less frequently it seems!

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Indeed!

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Nov 29, 2023Liked by Mark Dykeman

I'm glad you prefer to.

Also, I think I saw the film version of Bartlby, the Scrivener (with Crispin Glover as B.), but I have no recollection as to whether or not I enjoyed it.

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What an intriguing choice to play Bartleby!

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Perfection can be the enemy of creativity, so glad you chose to not be perfect ❤️

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“I would rather not” - me, a lot. Being a chronic people pleaser means I’ve had to really start taking that feeling seriously and actually say it out loud to others more often. Not wanting to is okay!

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I know you are thinking that not writing or publishing is destructive but you should listen to this feeling. Taking breaks is necessary to prevent burnout. I enjoy your Substack and learn from it. Take as much time as you need to refill the well.

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Christopher Niemann says that “Relying on craft and routine is a lot less sexy than being an artistic genius. But it is an excellent strategy for not going insane”. So, everyday I show up writing regardless of whether I feel like it. Regardless of whether I like it. Regardless of I feel about what I've written. It's the discipline, the ritual, the practice, the routine. We welcome transcendence and inspiration when, or if, they arrive, but we keep working, regardless. Faithful, steady, and observant, even in the gaps between.

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This is the second "prefer to/prefer not to" email I've received in as many minutes. And it's something I'm struggling with as well, in certain areas of my life. Doesn't help that I had to start my (already busy) day by snowblowing the driveway, whether I preferred to or not. (So why am I reading this, commenting here, when I'm busy? The struggle continues. And a breather was needed.)

I'm starting to look at things differently. Rather than "I prefer not to", I'm coming up with a list of "Instead, I prefer to..." There are something things -- like snow -- that I won't be able to avoid. But maybe it will help me cherish those prefer tos that I can control a little more.

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