I’ve personally found that envy is just the shadow side of admiration. When I understand that I admire someone I ask myself why and if I’m willing to pay the price they paid to obtain what I want for myself. If yes, I roll up my sleeves and get to work. If no, then I’ll learn to appreciate what I have
Journaling as a way of recording what I felt/ experienced that day, everyday has really changed my perspective. It gives me distance to observe my feelings. Thanks for sharing!
I don't feel jealousy or envy anymore (I wrote about that in "Enough Space" back in April). I learned that others' successes or achievements didn't take away from my own (there's not a limited supply of good), and that their success/achievement could actually help me get mine (paving the way, showing me different ways of doing it, an example of what's possible), and worth celebrating. For those who play dirty, well, not my circus, not my monkeys. They aren't happy people. No matter what they get, it won't fill them up. They will remain miserable, driving their Teslas, in their McMansions, in competition over everything. How dull and exhausting. (I live in LA; there's lots of that.) Being happy where we are, as we are, is the first step to opening the doors to everything. And then, when you get it, it's truly appreciated and more's to come. xo
I have definitely done this - less reflective about the process, but furious journalling to figure out why I’m feeling this way. Perhaps I should take a more structured lens to it next time, using this post as a guide!
Ah, the perennial ugly feeling. I comfort myself in knowing that even Sylvia Plath experienced envy! I'm sure she would have appreciated your tips as much as I do :)
Thanks Mark. I’ve always found it useful to imagine what that person might be envying. Reflecting on that usually puts the thing or the situation I’m envious of into the proper perspective..
Reflective journaling is the only style of journal I do! Every confident salesperson, inventor, or writer I met made me hate myself. How can these people of “average intelligence/skill” make a killing in life and I can’t? Why is it so difficult for me to overcome objections when these folks welcome the challenge?
If only I’d pull my head out of my rear and see what it took for them to achieve their “can do” spirit.
I saw that one commenter had mentioned the Jungian Shadow/archetypes theory and I find myself hating these confident individuals because deep down inside I want to be as bombastic and full of bravado, but right away and without much work!
I’ve decided that I haven’t achieved anywhere near those individuals’ level of self belief and that I have to keep going for years to match their confidence.
I agree with the other reader who mentioned how you broke down the journaling process into steps—that's likely helpful for people new to journaling.
My next newsletter is going to be about journaling—I'm developing a journaling workshop at the moment so it's on my mind a lot! Part of this development has included reading James W. Pennebaker, the most research-based of the books I've read on the topic to date. According to his research, putting pen to paper is more effective (ie, beneficial to your mental and even physical health) than using a keyboard, and more effective than recording yourself uttering the same thoughts. It's beneficial to get things down on paper, even if you immediately burn that paper. The research also shows that engaging both feeling and thought reaps the greatest benefit, as opposed to just the catharsis of releasing your feelings without reflecting on them. The method you posit here uses both thought and feeling.
As for envy, I think that no matter what you discover by thinking about the object of your envy and how they got where they are or how they might be suffering too, you need to "tend your own garden" and not compare yourselves to others because there's no point. Easier said than done sometimes, I know! But sometimes people do get ahead out of sheer dumb luck... sometimes there simply is no justice. You can't let that stop you from enjoying your own life.
Hi, in this case I was referring to this comment: "But some times people do get ahead out of sheer dumb luck... sometimes there simply is no justice. " In the case, the serendipity is just being in the right place at the right time, i.e. sheer dumb luck.
Thank you Mark, I love how you broke down the journaling process into steps. My journals were my therapist for over 30 years, a profoundly helpful tool. This upcoming Sunday I am sharing with my readers my decision to get rid of a lifetime of journals, why and how I did it, so I found your post very timely as journaling is on my mind. Will I keep writing them as a tool for growth? Yes but in a different way. More about that in my next article.
You're right that jealousy and envy are part of the human condition and, like many other aspects of humaning (made that word up), they often require management from a mature mind.
When I see a person who has achieved the thing I wish for myself I work hard to wish them well both IRL and energetically. I also intentionally recognize that if they were able to do that thing it is demonstrating to me that it is entirely possible to achieve therefore the same could hold true for me. If my attention is going to noticing that person or thing it's an indication that my highest self, deep inside of me, is saying 'this is here for you too, pay attention'. While I am not always successful at this approach, because I am human, I feel it's more effective at living a good life than fretting about what I don't have.
I’ve personally found that envy is just the shadow side of admiration. When I understand that I admire someone I ask myself why and if I’m willing to pay the price they paid to obtain what I want for myself. If yes, I roll up my sleeves and get to work. If no, then I’ll learn to appreciate what I have
Healthy approach!
Journaling as a way of recording what I felt/ experienced that day, everyday has really changed my perspective. It gives me distance to observe my feelings. Thanks for sharing!
I don't feel jealousy or envy anymore (I wrote about that in "Enough Space" back in April). I learned that others' successes or achievements didn't take away from my own (there's not a limited supply of good), and that their success/achievement could actually help me get mine (paving the way, showing me different ways of doing it, an example of what's possible), and worth celebrating. For those who play dirty, well, not my circus, not my monkeys. They aren't happy people. No matter what they get, it won't fill them up. They will remain miserable, driving their Teslas, in their McMansions, in competition over everything. How dull and exhausting. (I live in LA; there's lots of that.) Being happy where we are, as we are, is the first step to opening the doors to everything. And then, when you get it, it's truly appreciated and more's to come. xo
Bravo!
I have definitely done this - less reflective about the process, but furious journalling to figure out why I’m feeling this way. Perhaps I should take a more structured lens to it next time, using this post as a guide!
I would be honored to know that you had done this and to hear about how it worked for you.
Ah, the perennial ugly feeling. I comfort myself in knowing that even Sylvia Plath experienced envy! I'm sure she would have appreciated your tips as much as I do :)
I think it's inevitable to experience it at some point in your life.
Thanks Mark. I’ve always found it useful to imagine what that person might be envying. Reflecting on that usually puts the thing or the situation I’m envious of into the proper perspective..
Reflective journaling is the only style of journal I do! Every confident salesperson, inventor, or writer I met made me hate myself. How can these people of “average intelligence/skill” make a killing in life and I can’t? Why is it so difficult for me to overcome objections when these folks welcome the challenge?
If only I’d pull my head out of my rear and see what it took for them to achieve their “can do” spirit.
I saw that one commenter had mentioned the Jungian Shadow/archetypes theory and I find myself hating these confident individuals because deep down inside I want to be as bombastic and full of bravado, but right away and without much work!
I’ve decided that I haven’t achieved anywhere near those individuals’ level of self belief and that I have to keep going for years to match their confidence.
I’m willing to take on that endeavor.
What a remarkable post, Mark! Thank you!
Thanks Crush, more power to you!
I agree with the other reader who mentioned how you broke down the journaling process into steps—that's likely helpful for people new to journaling.
My next newsletter is going to be about journaling—I'm developing a journaling workshop at the moment so it's on my mind a lot! Part of this development has included reading James W. Pennebaker, the most research-based of the books I've read on the topic to date. According to his research, putting pen to paper is more effective (ie, beneficial to your mental and even physical health) than using a keyboard, and more effective than recording yourself uttering the same thoughts. It's beneficial to get things down on paper, even if you immediately burn that paper. The research also shows that engaging both feeling and thought reaps the greatest benefit, as opposed to just the catharsis of releasing your feelings without reflecting on them. The method you posit here uses both thought and feeling.
As for envy, I think that no matter what you discover by thinking about the object of your envy and how they got where they are or how they might be suffering too, you need to "tend your own garden" and not compare yourselves to others because there's no point. Easier said than done sometimes, I know! But sometimes people do get ahead out of sheer dumb luck... sometimes there simply is no justice. You can't let that stop you from enjoying your own life.
Yes, you can't deny the power of serendipity.
You're referring to the serendipity of us both writing about journaling...? I wasn't sure at first! 😅
Hi, in this case I was referring to this comment: "But some times people do get ahead out of sheer dumb luck... sometimes there simply is no justice. " In the case, the serendipity is just being in the right place at the right time, i.e. sheer dumb luck.
AAaaaaah, okay! Thanks for explaining. I guess I've never thought of dumb luck as having to do with serendipity, but I guess it certainly could!
Thank you Mark, I love how you broke down the journaling process into steps. My journals were my therapist for over 30 years, a profoundly helpful tool. This upcoming Sunday I am sharing with my readers my decision to get rid of a lifetime of journals, why and how I did it, so I found your post very timely as journaling is on my mind. Will I keep writing them as a tool for growth? Yes but in a different way. More about that in my next article.
You're right that jealousy and envy are part of the human condition and, like many other aspects of humaning (made that word up), they often require management from a mature mind.
When I see a person who has achieved the thing I wish for myself I work hard to wish them well both IRL and energetically. I also intentionally recognize that if they were able to do that thing it is demonstrating to me that it is entirely possible to achieve therefore the same could hold true for me. If my attention is going to noticing that person or thing it's an indication that my highest self, deep inside of me, is saying 'this is here for you too, pay attention'. While I am not always successful at this approach, because I am human, I feel it's more effective at living a good life than fretting about what I don't have.
Very interesting, thanks.
Thought provoking!
Thanks
Very, very interesting. Thanks for the thought-provocation!